worst sunday of my lifeeee

i am rilly tired but i’m not sleeping cos i just had dinner.

today is officially the worst day of my life. never felt sooooo frustrated doing math ever in my life. i was on the verge of tears (extreme, i know) so many times but i held back. who cries over stupid sums.. okay. me. i do. lol

(this feels like pre A-level paper nights when i come into wordpress in the middle of studying toyota for human geog and start ranting)

okayzzzzzzz. so as i was saying. i am never a math person ever. i hate math so much, there was this one point in time today when i was doing ms, and the lecturer appeared in my head, and all i had were images of me hammering him… interesting what math does to me. when i finally felt like something in me was on the verge of snapping, i took my ipod and walked around the potong pasir neighbourhood. peaceful (= ranted to God.. i really love God’s presence in my life. i really really wanna grow so much more closer to God. so much more intimate. and i so want to want God more in my life. He’s beautiful (=

okay back to work.  just abit more stats.. abit more. shall stop being depressed and miserable. so not helping. STRUGGLING POWERFFUUULLYYY. but okay u can’t stop me from complaining =x but anywaysssss. whatever tomm’s paper is like.. i’d like to say, i’ve done my best!

**note to self: no macs/ potong pasir/ chocolates for the next 2 months. okay chocolate may not be possible. cos i have alot now. and all given by people who loveeee me!

(i actually had some jap chocolates, a kinder white, and a few reese chocos today!! at the rate i go i might just turn into a chocolate ball)

okay work.. go chiazzzz go go go!

my bathroom ceiling crashed

yeah, literally. the whole ceiling fell out. so my bathroom is currently bald. like, not open air bald but i can see all the pipes and wires. sometimes i imagine there are rats and cockroaches living there (oh MAYBE that’s where they all came from) but in any case its super freaky… gonna bathe in my parents room for a while. because my bathroom has no lightbulb either =(

went to the airport again today!!! there’s just this really therapeutic feel about the airport. when i was there i remembered all the times i studied there, Olevels with bff at pacific coffee company and other random ppl… Alevels with bryan and the churchies. mm good times. that reminds me. i was just lookin thru my livejournal entries yesterday. maaan, i was so carefree during jc life! everything was so easy. my blog entries sounded so happy. i was so happy reading through them all. things so simple. everything was, okay i trust God! my friends rock! my school rocks! i think i’m super boring and heavy with many things now, my blog machiam depressing. i don’t wanna read back next year and realise i’ve been such a serious, depressed person!!! (okay i’m not. i just cursed tansijing with my penguin curse.) and i miss my friends so much!!! gonna kick off post exams with a meet-up with our half!! i miss you all so much!!! then i’m gonna picnic with mah gal pals! then mah sheepsheep gonna come over for stayovers!! and my hunky brother’s gonna be back from ireland!! and i’m gonna start reggae-ing with tze and althea (i think!! i hope?!) okay im totally excited now.

but before i start thinking abt my hols all over the place, i still have FOUR papers to go. but hey at least i conquered stats today!! conquered as in, i totally did all my hypothesis testing (sounds familiar??) stuff. anyway econs paper wasn’t too fantastic. i was totally lost at question2 but my friends asked i just yayaya i think its the quadratic equations… i left the entire question blank. seriouslyyyyy right. but okay. i choose to be joyful!! mark my words people. no matter what my econs grade…….. yeah, i’ll choose to not be affected by it. okay… maybe just 10 minutes alright. hahaha.

toodoo. it’s chillaxing to post totally brainless stuff at times.

lifegroup at my place tomm! yay! lookin’ fwd too =D

 

friendships

there are some things i need to clear up in my life… and i need to set my mind to them once exams are over.

correction. i need to set my mind to them now, and then put it into action once my last paper ends on 3rd dec. i dislike expectations. but i hate failed expectations even more. especially when i fail others. i am a people pleaser, i admit, but you are too, i guess everyone is to a certain extent. i’m not talking about pleasing everybody, i’m talking about some important people in my life that i’ve failed. the feeling, is pretty painful. because in the first place, you know those ‘expectations’ weren’t even the demanding kinds. get my drift?

sigh. growing up is tough. being stubborn is bad. sometimes i just hope the problems and struggles i face now would just vanish before my very eyes. but then again, i am responsible for myself, and these are things nobody else can do for me.

after coming to uni, building genuine friendships… is really tough. sometimes you look around you, the people you’re chummy with… the people you hang out with… can you really trust them? no i’m not emo-ing. i think this is just a fact of life. not that i doubt my pals. but remember how as a kid your parents used to tell you, when you grow up, ‘open wide your eyes when you make friends’ (okay they still say it alot now) and i’m beginning to see some light in it. it’s tiring, really. sometimes after i share a little deeper about myself, it feels as if i left open a gaping hole in my heart, vulnerable and uncomfortable. on the one hand, i’d love to share with my friend. on the other, i’m afraid this person would not take care of that piece of myself i’ve shared. the irony of it.this struggle is magnified a 100 times after coming to university. lol.

i thank God for being my ever faithful, trustworthy, permanent listening ear. i thank God for being my best friend who loves me unconditionally and accepts me as i am. after getting some bruised elbows and shins, i think i will not try to be smart-alec and think my human friends can replace the place of God in my life. so yes, honestly, i admit i’ve been too caught up in trying to build my physical friendships and kinda neglected the most important one in my life. i can’t try to build these friendships on my own. if God is not in the centre of it… nothing else can stick. God, running back to You….

and i thank God for the family He’s placed me in, once again. my churchies (i.e. church pals) form a big part of my life. don’t know what i’d do without them. people say blood is thicker than water, and spirit is thicker than blood. it’s true… people who watched me grow up, grew up with me, saw me through my unglam-est moments, and celebrated my victories with me. let’s go on together.

chia remb to not take God and your friends for granted.

growing up is really tough!!!!! (sorry for being so complainey)

(once im done with whining i’ll move on with life, haha)

(okay moving on…)

i’m out to fight a winning battle.

w regards to the previous post

one more thing. just one more.

if people wanna get a ride from me, shouldn’t they ask me directly?? even if you ask my best friend, i am still the driver. it doesn’t make sense does it? i go to B and say, Hey, can i take A’s car, please?

what’s wrong with people seriously. lol.

if you want to borrow something from a friend, you ask around the whole world for permission except the friend herself. got link, meh??

basic courtesy. works well for both you and me (= thanks.

 

ps. i am not emo nor am i angsty. yes i agree with something my friend said, sometimes people really don’t know how to 自动。and i think i really don’t want to be like that to my other friends too.