deliberately livin’ life part2: livin’ on the edge!

got this off jiali.

bamz (it’s kinda cool to have a z after every word..apparently). God whacked me big time this week. i look at my previous post and seriously, when you ask God for this kinda things, God never says no!!! and God’s been speakin’ to me in the most amazing ways ever, one of them was during marketing subject study, which got me stumped for 10 minutes not over the survey question, but over what God breathed into my heart. God’s spoken, it’s now my responsibility to act on it. go chia!! thoughts and talk never make the difference, but actions do. here’s to livin’ life on the edge. this week is gonnna be more exciting than the last week!! i’m gonna be more hungry, be more aware of the Spirit, be closer to the breakthrough that i need. doing life with God, exciting ttm!!

today, my heart broke.

it broke before God.

for the first time in a long long long time, the grace and the love of God was so raw before my eyes, it penetrated my heart and broke down all those things i was holding on to. it was a journey, from feeling so undeserving and unworthy, sinful and hopeless, to knowing that God’s grace is just so, so, so, enough for me, to accepting it like a child delighted at receiving the greatest gift she’s ever did, and then finally, overflowing with indescribable thankfulness.

i need childlike faith, indeed.

but i also need the maturity and responsibility of a grown-up to follow that up. my commitment to and love for Jesus is not, and will not be child’s play.

sometimes being childlike also comes from maturity, i guess? to be aware that life is too short to think that im the know-it-all. to put down all pride, tear down all defences, let go of what i thought was mine, and realise we are who we are before God. God’s very original creations, uncorrupted by worldly systems and untainted by worries of life, isn’t that who we really are?

i think all of us are seriously shortsighted, or maybe even blind. because life is filled with too much logic, too many things that must fit into an explanation. God’s grace is so illogical it’s a miracle in itself. little kids really do believe superheroes can save the world, they believe batman will wallop (er who’s that? i don’t watch batman. poison ivy? HAHA =x oh freak, so anti climax)…. they believe superman will arrive in the nick of time to save the world, and the most amazing thing is, they believe their mums and dads are superheroes who hold their world up and can do everrrrything. kids never considered about the feasibility of something, oh what about the finances, or how is it going to happen despite the enemy being really big looking and strong? they do purely one thing: believe. when we grow up, do we still believe in superhero Jesus?

you know, today i finally understood what it feels like to know that everything just isnt right, just isnt possible at all, yet still find an inner peace that yes, i trust God.

i believe in superhero Jesus.

redefining moments of my 19 years

it’s been a rather evaluative period of my life these recent weeks! lots of reflections going on… and some undone laying-it-all-on-the-table-and-thrash-it-out sessions with certain people… but all in all, i’d say its been reflective, evaluative, and real real real helpful. its always good to be aware of what you are doing with your life, of your own thoughts and motives, of how you are living your life, (yes jloh!) i think it’d be real sad to look back after half your life has flew past and not being very sure of what you’ve done or not.

live with no regrets, right? look back, evaluate, move on, and do it. planning is really really important, but if there’s nothing done about it, planning makes no difference either. i’ve learnt that! so i’ve included alot more practical points in my planning for the remaining of this year

i think i’ve had this breakthrough in my personal perspective of certain things, and it’s a great deal of burden off my heart. something that i’ve honestly, painfully, settled before God. one of those things is leadership. i am not a born leader. if i can i’d rather slack around (haha) but some months ago, i felt i really wanted to lead, i saw the absolute importance of leadership and i told some people in my life, and i told God, hey i do want to lead people. i’d wanna help people by being a leader! these past few weeks, i’ve been very bothered by this: has my motivation behind this dream changed? the heart is deceitful… and i wanted to be really sure that hey, i’m not doing anything out of self-glory or pride.

i’m not sure what some people would think after reading this, but this is absolutely personal opinions. the worldly systems work in a way that goes up, up, up. you’re always climbing the ladder. it’s always good to achieve, always good to get promoted, the way to show that you’re productive, fruitful, effective, even better than the rest, is how you rise up from among your co-workers. i’m not sure if we do bring that kind of mentality into church too. i think it’s a pretty human thing to want to rise up, to want to be the head and not the tail. sometimes we say we wanna rise up to become a whatever L, maybe cos something inside us screams: you’ve been here for so long, still no rank whatever? maybe cos we feel the need to be recognised. maybe cos we crave for the prestige of the title.

whatever it is, the kingdom of God doesn’t work like the world. i stopped thinking about why i want to lead. i started thinking about how i can help the people within my reach, in the position that i am in. it’s all about people, right? it’s all about servanthood. and so, i reached a point where i concluded, in whichever role God appoints me, a member, or whatever L, it doesn’t matter, but what matters is that i’m doing my best in it helping people. hey, i may not know alot about leadership, i may not have a bag of intelligent quotes about leadership, i don’t even think i’m a very excellent leader! but all i know is, leader or not, i have a part to play in the kingdom of God, and whatever part it is, all are equally important (: if God puts me there, He needs me to do my best there. and that’s the best thing i can ever do with my life.

this morning (or afternoon? i actually woke up at 2pm. haha i know crazy right!!)… God once again prompted me to think and rethink over what are the things i hold most dearly to in my life? and many things came to mind… how much i value the kingdom of God.. my ministry… my pursuits of dance… and some other stuff. i tell you man, it’s times like that that make me feel that God is leading me and guiding my every step of my life. because when i think of things like that, i establish certain principles that i’ll firmly stand by. it keeps me alive, it keeps me going even if times get tough. y’know, i feel good to be aware of myself. really! =D sane times like that when you make sane decision and commitments, keeps your head above the water in insane times.

woohoo!

will God’s people please stand up

the devil doesn’t need us to speak anything against the kingdom of darkness… he’s simply satisfied with us NOT saying anything about the kingdom of God.

can God’s people afford to stay silent? as long as we’re not advancing the kingdom of God… we don’t just stay where we are – the devil is moving up ahead of us. can we afford to be contented with what we have, with where we are? when our friends are looking for their answers all over the place – in wealth, in friends, in reputation, in power… i need to be doing my part to share what the real answer is.

can’t afford to shut my mouth up at a time like this.

can’t afford to be desensitised to the filth around me at a time like this.

can’t afford to be self-centred at a time like this.
God’s people, march on!

doing life w/ God and His amazing people

doing God’s work without God is pointless.

my life is a gift from God. a gift of partnership and His presence. doing life without God is like snatching this precious gift away from the Giver and putting it into my own hands – my small, limited, hands – and telling the Giver: c’mon, i’m quite capable, i can do it all on my own.

how? when so many things are beyond our control.

well… too many of us fall into that trap at least once. because people are forgetful… agree?

keep reminding me, then.

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youth CL retreat was a blast. really enjoyed hanging with the other unit CLs… people who definitely work hard and play hard, people whose lives have inspired me alot. so privileged to be serving tog with this entire team!! different as we are, yet in one heartbeat, in one vision, we’re moving forward tog … i am certain i want to play my part well as part of this team, and i am assured that what i’m doing is DEFINITELY worth it (especially after PJ’s address haha). like i always said, such great privilege to be able to impact not just people’s lives, but people’s eternity! i want to do my part well! hold me accountable …