redefining moments of my 19 years

it’s been a rather evaluative period of my life these recent weeks! lots of reflections going on… and some undone laying-it-all-on-the-table-and-thrash-it-out sessions with certain people… but all in all, i’d say its been reflective, evaluative, and real real real helpful. its always good to be aware of what you are doing with your life, of your own thoughts and motives, of how you are living your life, (yes jloh!) i think it’d be real sad to look back after half your life has flew past and not being very sure of what you’ve done or not.

live with no regrets, right? look back, evaluate, move on, and do it. planning is really really important, but if there’s nothing done about it, planning makes no difference either. i’ve learnt that! so i’ve included alot more practical points in my planning for the remaining of this year

i think i’ve had this breakthrough in my personal perspective of certain things, and it’s a great deal of burden off my heart. something that i’ve honestly, painfully, settled before God. one of those things is leadership. i am not a born leader. if i can i’d rather slack around (haha) but some months ago, i felt i really wanted to lead, i saw the absolute importance of leadership and i told some people in my life, and i told God, hey i do want to lead people. i’d wanna help people by being a leader! these past few weeks, i’ve been very bothered by this: has my motivation behind this dream changed? the heart is deceitful… and i wanted to be really sure that hey, i’m not doing anything out of self-glory or pride.

i’m not sure what some people would think after reading this, but this is absolutely personal opinions. the worldly systems work in a way that goes up, up, up. you’re always climbing the ladder. it’s always good to achieve, always good to get promoted, the way to show that you’re productive, fruitful, effective, even better than the rest, is how you rise up from among your co-workers. i’m not sure if we do bring that kind of mentality into church too. i think it’s a pretty human thing to want to rise up, to want to be the head and not the tail. sometimes we say we wanna rise up to become a whatever L, maybe cos something inside us screams: you’ve been here for so long, still no rank whatever? maybe cos we feel the need to be recognised. maybe cos we crave for the prestige of the title.

whatever it is, the kingdom of God doesn’t work like the world. i stopped thinking about why i want to lead. i started thinking about how i can help the people within my reach, in the position that i am in. it’s all about people, right? it’s all about servanthood. and so, i reached a point where i concluded, in whichever role God appoints me, a member, or whatever L, it doesn’t matter, but what matters is that i’m doing my best in it helping people. hey, i may not know alot about leadership, i may not have a bag of intelligent quotes about leadership, i don’t even think i’m a very excellent leader! but all i know is, leader or not, i have a part to play in the kingdom of God, and whatever part it is, all are equally important (: if God puts me there, He needs me to do my best there. and that’s the best thing i can ever do with my life.

this morning (or afternoon? i actually woke up at 2pm. haha i know crazy right!!)… God once again prompted me to think and rethink over what are the things i hold most dearly to in my life? and many things came to mind… how much i value the kingdom of God.. my ministry… my pursuits of dance… and some other stuff. i tell you man, it’s times like that that make me feel that God is leading me and guiding my every step of my life. because when i think of things like that, i establish certain principles that i’ll firmly stand by. it keeps me alive, it keeps me going even if times get tough. y’know, i feel good to be aware of myself. really! =D sane times like that when you make sane decision and commitments, keeps your head above the water in insane times.

woohoo!

doing life w/ God and His amazing people

doing God’s work without God is pointless.

my life is a gift from God. a gift of partnership and His presence. doing life without God is like snatching this precious gift away from the Giver and putting it into my own hands – my small, limited, hands – and telling the Giver: c’mon, i’m quite capable, i can do it all on my own.

how? when so many things are beyond our control.

well… too many of us fall into that trap at least once. because people are forgetful… agree?

keep reminding me, then.

*

youth CL retreat was a blast. really enjoyed hanging with the other unit CLs… people who definitely work hard and play hard, people whose lives have inspired me alot. so privileged to be serving tog with this entire team!! different as we are, yet in one heartbeat, in one vision, we’re moving forward tog … i am certain i want to play my part well as part of this team, and i am assured that what i’m doing is DEFINITELY worth it (especially after PJ’s address haha). like i always said, such great privilege to be able to impact not just people’s lives, but people’s eternity! i want to do my part well! hold me accountable …

Protected: running with the end in sight

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

not a self consolation post

i don’t need to be appreciated, affirmed, favourited by the people around me. i don’t seek to be all that.

honestly it sucks big time when your efforts are underappreciated, or totally unappreciated at all. believe me, i spent like 10 minutes struggling to put things into perspective on the way home just now. 

but i remind myself, i am doing all this not for the sake of making it into anybody’s top5 list. my big boss is Jesus. so if i have to do something that is totally unpopular, but something totally necessary…….. i will grit my teeth and just do it.

to my caregroup:
if one day you find that i am trying all means and ways to get into your good books to draw you closer to me instead of helping you to grow closer to God, STOP FOLLOWING ME.

i want to help people to become more Christ-like, not chia-like.

i can’t be more serious about this manz.

 

God is the strength of my heart

note to self

what kind of generation am i building here?

self-centred, self-absorbed, achievement chasers, pleasure seekers, nua people…….?
No.

i am building God’s people. a disciplined generation. a kingdom-minded generation. a generation with quality, with character, with compassion.

and reality check…. it starts with myself.

before anything can change, before God can move anything, i need to grow first. i need to be disciplined. i need to grow in love. i need to allow God to mould me first.

God? don’t pass me by.