there’s BSP paper tomorrow

a little bit on the sian side… well just a little bit.

chia feels pretty lonely now (= HAHAHA okay i’m just kidding.

i’m gonna resume contemp jazz class tonight after a 6-week hiatus. the thought of derrick’s exercises makes me quiver. but oh… my fault for stopping for so long. i bet i’m gonna drag myself out with muscle aches and all that. okay… filled with fear and trembling now (=

so chia is on a battle to keep herself disciplined and committed to the things she’s in. cmon, NO LAZINESS!!

till then! (this post is purely random and for the sake of self-entertainment)

today, my heart broke.

it broke before God.

for the first time in a long long long time, the grace and the love of God was so raw before my eyes, it penetrated my heart and broke down all those things i was holding on to. it was a journey, from feeling so undeserving and unworthy, sinful and hopeless, to knowing that God’s grace is just so, so, so, enough for me, to accepting it like a child delighted at receiving the greatest gift she’s ever did, and then finally, overflowing with indescribable thankfulness.

i need childlike faith, indeed.

but i also need the maturity and responsibility of a grown-up to follow that up. my commitment to and love for Jesus is not, and will not be child’s play.

sometimes being childlike also comes from maturity, i guess? to be aware that life is too short to think that im the know-it-all. to put down all pride, tear down all defences, let go of what i thought was mine, and realise we are who we are before God. God’s very original creations, uncorrupted by worldly systems and untainted by worries of life, isn’t that who we really are?

i think all of us are seriously shortsighted, or maybe even blind. because life is filled with too much logic, too many things that must fit into an explanation. God’s grace is so illogical it’s a miracle in itself. little kids really do believe superheroes can save the world, they believe batman will wallop (er who’s that? i don’t watch batman. poison ivy? HAHA =x oh freak, so anti climax)…. they believe superman will arrive in the nick of time to save the world, and the most amazing thing is, they believe their mums and dads are superheroes who hold their world up and can do everrrrything. kids never considered about the feasibility of something, oh what about the finances, or how is it going to happen despite the enemy being really big looking and strong? they do purely one thing: believe. when we grow up, do we still believe in superhero Jesus?

you know, today i finally understood what it feels like to know that everything just isnt right, just isnt possible at all, yet still find an inner peace that yes, i trust God.

i believe in superhero Jesus.

redefining moments of my 19 years

it’s been a rather evaluative period of my life these recent weeks! lots of reflections going on… and some undone laying-it-all-on-the-table-and-thrash-it-out sessions with certain people… but all in all, i’d say its been reflective, evaluative, and real real real helpful. its always good to be aware of what you are doing with your life, of your own thoughts and motives, of how you are living your life, (yes jloh!) i think it’d be real sad to look back after half your life has flew past and not being very sure of what you’ve done or not.

live with no regrets, right? look back, evaluate, move on, and do it. planning is really really important, but if there’s nothing done about it, planning makes no difference either. i’ve learnt that! so i’ve included alot more practical points in my planning for the remaining of this year

i think i’ve had this breakthrough in my personal perspective of certain things, and it’s a great deal of burden off my heart. something that i’ve honestly, painfully, settled before God. one of those things is leadership. i am not a born leader. if i can i’d rather slack around (haha) but some months ago, i felt i really wanted to lead, i saw the absolute importance of leadership and i told some people in my life, and i told God, hey i do want to lead people. i’d wanna help people by being a leader! these past few weeks, i’ve been very bothered by this: has my motivation behind this dream changed? the heart is deceitful… and i wanted to be really sure that hey, i’m not doing anything out of self-glory or pride.

i’m not sure what some people would think after reading this, but this is absolutely personal opinions. the worldly systems work in a way that goes up, up, up. you’re always climbing the ladder. it’s always good to achieve, always good to get promoted, the way to show that you’re productive, fruitful, effective, even better than the rest, is how you rise up from among your co-workers. i’m not sure if we do bring that kind of mentality into church too. i think it’s a pretty human thing to want to rise up, to want to be the head and not the tail. sometimes we say we wanna rise up to become a whatever L, maybe cos something inside us screams: you’ve been here for so long, still no rank whatever? maybe cos we feel the need to be recognised. maybe cos we crave for the prestige of the title.

whatever it is, the kingdom of God doesn’t work like the world. i stopped thinking about why i want to lead. i started thinking about how i can help the people within my reach, in the position that i am in. it’s all about people, right? it’s all about servanthood. and so, i reached a point where i concluded, in whichever role God appoints me, a member, or whatever L, it doesn’t matter, but what matters is that i’m doing my best in it helping people. hey, i may not know alot about leadership, i may not have a bag of intelligent quotes about leadership, i don’t even think i’m a very excellent leader! but all i know is, leader or not, i have a part to play in the kingdom of God, and whatever part it is, all are equally important (: if God puts me there, He needs me to do my best there. and that’s the best thing i can ever do with my life.

this morning (or afternoon? i actually woke up at 2pm. haha i know crazy right!!)… God once again prompted me to think and rethink over what are the things i hold most dearly to in my life? and many things came to mind… how much i value the kingdom of God.. my ministry… my pursuits of dance… and some other stuff. i tell you man, it’s times like that that make me feel that God is leading me and guiding my every step of my life. because when i think of things like that, i establish certain principles that i’ll firmly stand by. it keeps me alive, it keeps me going even if times get tough. y’know, i feel good to be aware of myself. really! =D sane times like that when you make sane decision and commitments, keeps your head above the water in insane times.

woohoo!

to someone who turns 26 today

besides Jesus and my daddy, this is one guy in my life i respect and love the most!

he knows me really well, and he’s probably the only guy who can see through my faces and tell what i’m really feeling inside.

he loves me really well, too (= bringing me to the doctor at 2am when i’m feeling utterly sick, buying me lunch in the afternoons when he’s around, and always always saving the good stuff for me

he shares with me all his possessions! “since i’m not using the car, you can take it. drive it!” moments. allowing me to use his bedroom, tv, whatever i can lay my hands on.

he gives me the best advice ever. our random conversations on almost everything and anything, his very wise words, him sharing his experiences with me. and in the first place, willing to just spend time talking to an itsybitsy who’s 7 years younger and absolutely clueless about most things (yes i admit it, okay?)

he plays the nicest music ever. this is ohsoveryrandom but hello, i really miss listening to him playing and singing.

oh how can i miss this out. HE COOKS THE BEST FOOD EVER! i miss cheesecakes… yummy fish porridge… yumyum.

and last but not least, he gave me the best gift i ever received – bringing me to know God.. and to this church, too.

 

you know how people say, when you stay in the same house, you see the weaknesses of that other person and maybe this other person ain’t that perfect anymore? i’ve been staying with this person for the past 19 years of my life, and even though we’ve had our fair share of arguments (more like bu shuang-ness right, all the sharing of the toilet and all that), in my eyes, this guy, though imperfect, really tries to live his life with no regrets. a true man, i would say. a real man who chases after God too.

dear korkor,

i can go on and on and on and on about everything you do best as my brother. but shall not ego boost you any further. ahaha. even though you’re in a land far far far away, and i REALLY miss you big time!! BUT that is mixed with a bit of jealousy. or maybe alot. hatechew. hahaha. thanks for bringing me to God… and bringing me back to God. you have no idea how much this means to me. thank you so so so much that you even dispense your wisdom (oh most holy david hahaha), that you bother to listen to my rants and complaints and talk to me still over msn! i weally weally weally appreciate the fact that i am your sister and you are my brother. actually, you know i noticed that over all these years you’ve become so much more loving and good-tempered and you’re really a good role model at home. is this weird? i mean you’re not perfect. but… yes, a good role model. thanks kor, for everrrrything. you are ze best. keep growing okay!! God bless you with a wonderfulllll, God-filled, purposeful, awesome year ahead in dublin. LOVE YOU, SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH! *hugssss

love,
mei

*this is extra.
to my future husband hanging somewhere out there… there, you have an example to follow! ^^ heeheehee

will God’s people please stand up

the devil doesn’t need us to speak anything against the kingdom of darkness… he’s simply satisfied with us NOT saying anything about the kingdom of God.

can God’s people afford to stay silent? as long as we’re not advancing the kingdom of God… we don’t just stay where we are – the devil is moving up ahead of us. can we afford to be contented with what we have, with where we are? when our friends are looking for their answers all over the place – in wealth, in friends, in reputation, in power… i need to be doing my part to share what the real answer is.

can’t afford to shut my mouth up at a time like this.

can’t afford to be desensitised to the filth around me at a time like this.

can’t afford to be self-centred at a time like this.
God’s people, march on!